


You Do Understand

by crimson_violet



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: The Next Generation
Genre: Data has feelings in his own way, Emotions, Empathy, Gen, Neurodiversity, just not human ones
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-19
Updated: 2021-01-19
Packaged: 2021-03-18 07:20:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,576
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28863195
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crimson_violet/pseuds/crimson_violet
Summary: Because she can't sense him, and because he says so, Deanna believes Data when he says he doesn't feel any emotions. And so does everyone else. It takes her a while to realize that they are all incorrect.
Relationships: Data & Deanna Troi
Comments: 3
Kudos: 32





	You Do Understand

Because she can't sense him, and because he _says so_ (quite frequently actually), Deanna believes Data when he says he doesn't feel any emotions. And so does everyone else. It takes her a while to realize that they are all incorrect.

It isn't a single thing that makes her realize, but the sum total of all his actions. The respect he shows for the crew, the bonds he has formed. The care he shows for his cat. The way he strives so ardently to be more human. It's all there, and she can't believe she missed it. She supposes it's something of a personal blind spot. She's so used to being able to sense emotion from everyone else, that she didn't think to go looking any deeper. And besides, he always _insisted_ that he had no feelings. But just because he didn't have feelings that were recognizable to a Betazoid (or to any of the other sapient life onboard the Enterprise), that didn't mean that they just didn't exist. They existed in the way that he tried to please his cat with the best food, the way he tried his hands again and again at different art forms, trying to understand. The way he spent his free time with friends. The way he never gave up. They just… slipped right under her radar. And everyone else's, even his own.

Since she can't sense Data's emotions telepathically, Deanna has to resort to the old fashioned way: observation. Deanna is no stranger to this - growing up as a half-human on Betazed, she's always had to compensate for having weaker empathic abilities than her peers. She's not so different from Data in that way, she supposes. She's very familiar with being surrounded by others who could communicate and understand one another with ease in a way that she struggled with. Now that she's mostly surrounded by humans, she's the one who has the advantage of course. But she never forgets.

Data doesn't express himself like any of the other lifeforms she's familiar with, so she's starting from scratch, watching and comparing his movements, his tone, his expressions. Some of them are an act that he puts on, to seem more human, or to put others at ease (like his blinks, the way he simulates breathing, the way he moves slightly even when sitting or standing still). Some of them are not an act. She catalogues these and learns what they mean (he has to do the same thing every day for everyone he meets, learning to read and respond to emotions and gestures that at first seem inscrutable to him, so she figures it's the least she can do).

She brings it up with him, obviously. But he dismisses it. "I believe you are anthropomorphizing me, Counsellor," he says. "I do certain things in order to give a more human appearance, but I can assure you. I do not feel."

Deanna _knows_ he does though. So she keeps watching him.

She notices that Data tilts his head, to one side or the other, to indicate when he doesn't understand something. This is an act that he performs, so that others know to elaborate on what they're saying. But she notices what isn't an act. The angle and speed at which he cocks his head varies slightly, almost unnoticeably, but _consistently_. So Deanna learns what they mean. Slight tilt to the left means he doesn't understand something _yet,_ but is dedicating more processing to it, and believes he will understand soon. Sharper and faster tilt means he's hopelessly confused. Tilt to the right means that in addition to not understanding something, he's concerned about something.

Data tilts his head to one side or the other quite often, as there is often something happening that he doesn't understand. Not any of the things any other crew member might have difficulty grasping, like engineering, or warp mechanics, or even higher dimensions. Data understood all of those just fine. But the reason behind someone's smile or frown, the cause of laughter or tears, the meaning of a peculiar turn of phrase? Those all had him tilting his head, again and again.

Deanna notices the differences in Data's posture, when he stands stock-still in the transporter room before dissolving, whisked away elsewhere. He stands tall, hands behind his back if he's comfortable with the place he's going to. Hands in front of him if he's not. She notices the things that his eyes go to first, and the things that they spend more time on. The way he prioritizes and allocates his time. Time for learning, time for his friends, time for his cat Spot. 

He does care. He does feel. Just because Deanna can't sense it doesn't mean it isn't real. There are plenty of things that she can't see or hear or touch or taste or sense that are still real. And Data's feelings are one of them. It isn't as if a Betazoid experiences emotions the same way as a human does, or a Klingon, or a Vulcan. They all have their variations, Data is just further from what they all see as normal. Deanna may not be able to read him naturally, but she puts in the effort to learn how, the same way that Data is still learning how to read everyone else.

Deanna brings it up again with Data. Once she feels like she has a bit of a handle on how to read him.

"Data," she says carefully, once he's arrived and settled at his regularly scheduled appointment. "Do you remember what I said a while ago? About the way you feel emotions?"

He blinks at her, but it lines up with his normal pattern of periodic blinks. It is not a blink of surprise. He is expecting this.

"Yes, Counsellor, I do remember. And I have noticed a 150% increase in the amount of time you have spent looking at me after that conversation. I take it you have results to discuss from your observations?"

"Well, _yes_ Data." She tells him all of her observations, all of the, well, _data_ that she's gathered, and what conclusions she thinks that can be drawn. "So Data, you _do_ feel. Just differently from the rest of the people here."

Data looks like he means to protest, but he spends the time processing the information instead.

"Your conclusions seem logical," he says, "and yet I still do not feel."

"Well, think of it like this, Data. Everyone has a different experience when it comes to feelings. The fierce, soaring joy that Lieutenant Worf feels is different from the quiet contentment that Captain Picard feels, which is different from the fleeting but intense glee that Commander Riker feels. And yet they all think of that feeling the same way: as happiness. But what it means for each of them to be happy is very different. Every being, every lifeform, every _person_ experiences things differently, Data. You and I, we both _think_ we feel nothing from you. But the reality is, we just haven't figured out how to process the things that you feel yet."

"Then Counsellor, how can I learn to process them? I feel nothing."

Deanna sighs. "That, Data, I don't know. You have the capacity to learn though, so perhaps you just need more time. But maybe try to think: what is it that drives you? Why are you so interested in being more human? What ties you to your friends here?"

Data takes a long time to think about that (a long time for Data, which is only a brief moment for Deanna). "I think…" he starts, "I think that I _want_ things. I am interested in humans, because I was made in their image. So it is only natural for me to strive to live up to that. It is the same with my friends. They value time with me. So I want to make them happy, to spend time with them. I value that time as well."

Deanna smiles at him. "And that, Data, is a way that you feel. Wanting things like that is an emotion, even if it might not seem like it to you. You might not feel or process grief or joy or love or fear the same way as anyone else on this ship does, but that doesn't mean you feel nothing at all."

"That may be true, Counsellor, but realize that I will not abandon my goal of understanding and feeling human emotions."

"I wouldn't expect you to! Just… maybe stop letting people treat you like an unfeeling machine. If you're putting in the work to empathize with them, they should be returning the favor."

"I will do so," Data says, "but I truly do not mind being treated like an unfeeling machine."

"That might be so. But there may be more like you someday who _do_ mind it. And the rest of us should be learning to account for that. Maybe you can't feel what we do yet, and we can't feel what you do, but… the least we can do is try to understand."

"I see. I will take that under advisement. Thank you, Counsellor." Data mirrors Deanna's smile back at her. The expression is a courtesy, but she thinks she can also tell that, in some way, he is satisfied.

Data returns to his room, and Deanna can feel Spot's excitement when he arrives, followed by contentment.


End file.
